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Attention Deficit Disorder presents different challenges to
different people. Some of us have the most trouble focusing and
concentrating, while some of us have great difficulty regulating
emotion. Whatever your greatest challenge is, there is one
sure-fire way to be successful in spite of it: the ability to be
resilient.
Miriam-Webster online defines resilience as "an ability to
recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change." Applying
this to adults with ADD, we might adjust the definition to "an
ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune, change,
setbacks, challenges, and failure."
In order to be successful adults with ADD, we have to accept the
undeniable fact that we will have challenges, we will have
failures, and we will have disappointments. But we cannot let
these setbacks stop us.
Let's take a practical look at resilience by comparing two
adults with ADD, "Jane" and "Lilly."
Jane is an amazingly smart woman, but she doesn't think so. She
works in a high-pressure office where people are frenzied. She
is a general assistant to several VIPs. One of her bosses
frequently blames his own mistakes on her, and another boss
often calls Jane stupid.
Jane spends her evenings worn down and upset. She feels
defeated. Once a very confident and happy woman, she has let the
messages of a few jerks bring her down. She wants to find a new
job, but she doesn't think anyone else will hire her. In the
very first week of her job, Jane knew it wasn't a good fit for
her and she should quit, but she didn't trust her intuition and
therefore stayed put.
Lilly is also an amazingly smart woman with ADD. Lilly had a
hard time in school. She didn't have very good grades, and was
often told she was lazy, but she persisted. She graduated high
school and, even though her parents discouraged her from going
to college, she went anyway! She started off in a community
college, where she discovered that when she could choose her
course of study, she actually did quite well. >From there she
transferred to a very good state school.
Lilly decided that she wanted to teach high school. She wanted
to be "one of those teachers who makes a difference." Her
college advisor told her she was crazy. She said "A woman of
small stature and quiet voice, like you, can't teach high
school. You won't be able to discipline the kids. They'll eat
you alive."
Lilly was crushed for two days. But in her heart, she knew
better. She made a conscious choice not to listen to her
advisor. In fact, she petitioned the school for a new advisor
who would be more supportive, and she got one.
Lilly has now been teaching high school history for 7 years, and
was even voted "favorite teacher" in the yearbook superlatives!
Jane has lost her resilience in this situation. She lets the
words of others shape her thoughts about herself, and she no
longer trusts herself.
Lilly, on the other hand, has amazing resilience. She trusts
herself, and she does not let others negative messages bring her
down. She allows herself to be disappointed, but not for too
long. She gets right back on track. And she has great successes
to show for it.
Resilience in adults with ADD is all about moving forward. If we
want to be successful adults with ADD, we simply can't let
disappointments hold us back.
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Jennifer Koretsky is a Professional ADD Management Coach who
helps adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She
encourages clients to increase self-awareness, focus on
strengths and talents, and create realistic action plans. She
offers a 90-day intensive skill-building program, workshops, and
private coaching. Her work has been featured in numerous media,
including The New York Times Magazine and The Times (UK). To
subscribe to Jennifer's free email newsletter, The ADD
Management Guide, please visit http://www.addmanagement.com/e-newsletter.htm
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