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I've had several coaching clients come to me who, while they
wanted to move forward in life, were actually stuck in a
self-destructive addiction. Of course, I cannot directly
confront them about their addictions, as they had to open up to
me that it was part of the problem that was keeping them in the
same rut in which they found themselves day-after-day. As we
worked together to make plans and open doors, the addiction was
left open for them to examine and realize that they needed to
overcome the situation, and cut loose that anchor to move
forward to a fulfilling life.
I'm not speaking of any particular addiction, as we all have one
or two in our lives. However, for sake of discussion, the
primary addictions that people fall to when they find that their
lives are faltering are alcohol and drugs. Of course, these
usually come into play once their addictions to depression and
negative situations overtake their lives and they feel as though
they have no where left to turn. But, as we peel away the
negative situations and tend to the depression through medical
assistance, they are better able to accept that now they must
eliminate the substance addiction. --- Abstinence or Control ---
Many commercials on television promote "responsible drinking".
What exactly is "responsible drinking"? It is a relative view
that places you to judge how much is enough. Yet, after your
first drink, your judgment is impaired. As I've heard from many
people, "one is too much and 12 are not enough." The best way to
manage yourself responsibly is simply not to do it at all ---
abstain. --- Disease or Responsibility ---
The idea of addictions being a disease creates an uneasy feeling
for me in that, for the most part, it is a choice and a
responsibility as opposed to an illness. While I do agree that
certain physical illnesses can cause people to turn to substance
abuse, the abuse and addiction in and of itself are resulting
actions and not diseases. It does seem that the disease concept
has become popular because it is the nature of addicted people
to dignify their conduct. The disease concept conceals the
actual reason people abuse various substances while it
discourages initiative and responsibility. --- Involuntary Addiction ---
This area of "involuntary addiction" is the center of much
controversy. Many people are addicted to medications at the
hands of medical practitioners who do not monitor their
patients, but instead simply ensure that their prescriptions
maintain a certain response. Of course, many people do require
long-term care; however, others only require assistance through
medication for a short time.
One example is that of a woman I worked with some years ago who
was terribly addicted to Valium, Paxil, and Prozac. She wanted
to get off of everything. Of course, I could not counsel her on
the medical aspects of her situation, but I did refer her to a
medical acquaintance who could assist her. In the end, after six
years of involuntary addiction, it took her two years to get
back on her feet and lead a productive life. We did work through
some situations to angle her life toward her new Vision, but it
was her choice to alleviate herself of the medication and "give
life a try." In essence, we were able to replace her physical
addiction with a mental and emotional addiction --- a direction
in life. --- How did I become addicted? ---
Addiction is a natural function of the human body, based
entirely upon the "pleasure principle" --- the tendency to seek
pleasure and avoid pain. Addictive substances have the ability
to disrupt the motivational hierarchy of needs by displacing
other motives in life. They can also desensitize the ability of
other, natural rewards to motivate behavior.
The addict usually places substance use as their top priority,
while losing interest in life's other rewards. This desire to
experience the effects of the addictive substance combined with
the lack of interest in natural rewards is classified as a "loss
of control." Essentially, the normal controls on the
individual's life have lost their significance and behavior
focuses on the acquisition and use of the addictive substance.
It's interesting to note that we can become addicted to
situations as well as substances. For instance, some abused
women come to feel a certain way about themselves in abusive
situations. To ensure that this feeling remains, they seek out
relationships that compound their feelings. Destructive indeed,
but one that they feel is necessary. --- How can I tell if I am addicted? ---
Determining addiction is complex in that it is based on many
different signs for different types of addictions. But, the one
definite, yet simplistic, indicator is that you keep going back
even after you know that you don't want to do it again.
Those nights that you lay in bed with a massive hangover even
after you swore that you'd never do it again. The morning you
wake up and have no idea what you did the night before, again.
The bruises and black eyes that you have from the fight with
your mate, yet you return. Again, the simplest indicator is that
you "keep coming back."
More complex indicators are physical and emotional changes as
well as affects on your social presentation and associations.
For instance, massive weight change, the "need" to have it or do
it again, anger, loss of sleep, health problems, avoidance by
certain social associations, or even being banned from
establishments are important indicators. --- How can I achieve recovery? ---
Recovery is your choice. You must first choose to acknowledge
its existence and then you must choose to do something about it.
Acknowledge that you are not a victim and take the
responsibility that you chose to enter into the addiction. By
doing so, you are taking control to be able to take
responsibility for choosing to not be addicted any longer.
Abstinence is the first step to recovery. Immediately stop what
you're doing, whether it is through counseling, medical
assistance, or simply ceasing your addictive actions. Of course,
it is easier said than done.
One thing that we do in my coaching sessions is, once a client
seeks assistance from qualified medical professionals, we
immediately begin to replace the addictive situation with
something else that is of benefit. For instance, many of those
clients who are addicted to some substance or situation are
because they don't know what else to do or need to move in a
direction away from a current situation. With nothing else in
life, they drink, use drugs, or continually place themselves
back into situations that are consistent and provide the
"comfort zones" that keep them in an arena that feels safe. --- A replacement addiction? ---
While replacing one addiction with another does not sound
appealing, indeed, it is a path that is essential to the success
of recovery. For instance, while I may not agree with support
groups, many people find them useful and a necessary part of
life. Indeed, while these are a replacement addiction for the
other addiction, they are not as harmful as the addiction that
they replace. At the very least, such support groups are a
reasonable replacement of the addiction until the person is
strong enough to stand up against their previous addictions.
For many of my clients, they have found that by defining a plan
for their life, instead of meandering to the point of getting
lost and addicted to something else that is harmful, they are
better able to cope with their recovery. With help from their
medical professional, along with a life plan, they can remain
focused and busy while working toward their Vision. In the
process, their values change to the point that they no longer
require a substance to give them the necessary feelings that
they pursue.
One example was a young man whose father committed suicide. It
threw him into a cycling depression where, at one moment he was
fine and, over a period of months, he would be depressed again
and have to work to recover from the depression. In the process,
he turned to a serious alcohol addiction, which nearly disrupted
his entire life. After focusing on the core depression and
working with his doctor to stabilize his emotions, we worked
together to find a way to piece together a new life. Indeed,
with the loss of a family member, life does change, yet he was
unable to cope with this change as he was caught in the life he
had prior to the loss.
Realize that the addiction can take on a mind of its own and
will eventually do anything to ensure that it gets what it
wants. It can begin to define you. However, it is essential to
turn that hunger into something else with a different focus and
desire. That is the core success of recovery. --- What's next? ---
Inside of every addicted individual is the original person who
was full of wonder and excitement about the possibilities that
lay ahead. Somewhere along the way, this person became lost and
fell prey to the pleasures of their addiction. They
instinctively decided that the greatest pleasures that life
comes from the use of a substance and they reordered their life
to accommodate this new desire at all costs --- this is the
destructive point of addiction. It is here that they must make a
choice and engage in a fight for survival.
There are a number of pitfalls common to self-recovery from
addiction. Those who want to help you, but were never addicted
themselves, have little to share on the subject, as their
experience and beliefs are based on information provided by
equally misinformed books and experts. Additionally, our society
sees addiction as a noble affliction and denies that
self-recovery is possible. As a result, society does not reward,
and sometimes punishes, people who accept personal
responsibility for their addictions and their recovery.
Realize that, if your environment has changed because of your
addiction, all is not lost. If your family left or you lost your
job or even if you lost some aspect of your life, the final
decision that you make to move on with your life is the one that
matters the most above all. You still have yourself and, in the
long run, that is truly all that matters. Spend some time with
your real self, as you might be surprised at the hero you just
found!
About the Author: Edward B. Toupin is an author, life-strategy
coach, counselor, Reiki Master, technical writer, and PhD
Candidate living in Las Vegas, NV. Among other things, he
authors books, articles, and screenplays on topics ranging from
career success through life organization and fulfillment. Check
out some of his recent print and electronic books as well as his
articles covering various life-changing topics!
Reprinted at All Natural Cures with permission from Dr Toupin's
estate. Visit
All Natural Cures
for more home remedies and natural cures.
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